Two Are Better Than One

I am a capable, beautiful, talented woman.  There are many things I like about myself, and I found them despite the fact that I have often had critical people around me who felt it was their employment to point out all of my failures and aspects to improve.  So, it's a minor miracle that I can look in the mirror with any seriousness, and like what I see.  

And I'm single.

Lately, though I have been swimming in the waters of confidence and gratitude, I have been feeling some kind of way about my singleness.  First, I resist the labels of being "hungry" or desperate.  I am not sure what happened in our society to make expressing our desires a negative thing.  I want a relationship, and hopefully a long-term one that will lead to marriage.  There is absolutely everything right about knowing what I want, and saying it without shrinking and lying that I don't want what I really do.

Why?  Because--

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12)

It's not rocket science.  Though I crave romance and the emotional bond, I am practical and realistic, too. I know of perfectly eligible men who are simply choosing to remain single because they are waiting...I pause, because the reports are varied.  

Some tell me that they are waiting for the woman who will be the baddest woman in the room in which she walks.  They want other men to see her, and to praise him because she is so fine.  Others say that no woman wants a man with bad credit, bad histories, and so like the reluctance to go to church until one stops "sinning", they wait until their credit, financial prowess--whatever improves... yeah.

I have no patience for those who are available for partnership discussing how difficult it is to pay their bills and maintain, or that they are simply waiting until the Beyonce/Michelle Obama hybrid drops onto their lap.  Did you ever consider that perhaps you are in the position you are in because you are resisting relationship, and waiting?  

While you wait, two households are being maintained instead of one.  While you wait, you are going it alone, and so am I.  While you wait, you and I are calling locksmiths to get back into the house to which you or I would have a key.  While you wait, I swallow tears at couples embracing and marrying, dancing and enjoying each other...both of our lips are without the moisture of a kiss.  

I try to throw out bitterness and resentment regularly, but your absence is so glaring!! It is not your fault, but our every action or inaction affects the other.

It is almost like I am a person in need of an ambulance.  While bleeding and in need of transport to the hospital, I watch you drive by over and over again. However, you are simply driving your personal ambulance--with the lights on--on the way to the market to make yourself dinner.  You think the siren is cool, and you like the power of folk getting out of your way as you drive.

Yep, I am saying that some choiceful singleness is selfishness.  Yep, I am saying that relationship is emotional, spiritual and practical.  Yep, I am saying that your unavailability directly affects so many of us, and then you have the audacity to talk about community-building and connection to others. How about you build your own community?  

I think that freedom has been misused and misinterpreted as being able to do whatever you want with no accountability.  Every freedom has connection and responsibility to the other. Being in partnership is about sharing your time, your energy, your resources, and your heart.  Some folk never learned to share, and have such skewed egos that they may never find the person they believe is "worthy".  Huh. 

I have chosen to be fine with whatever circumstance comes my way.  One day, I might find a relationship that is wonderful.  I am gaining more strength and skills in being alone, new treasures to make it on my own.  However, we all have trials and tribulations, and while you are waiting for the dime piece to walk into your highlights, you may find yourself alone when your lights are off. Remember that you chose this existence.  But I can tell you there is nothing like knowing someone has your back for real.