I am a lay-sociologist. One concept that I hope to develop over the course of my life is what I call the talk show complex. Since Donahue, and then with Oprah, there is a way that some do community that I feel is extremely unhealthy. With the talk show, we don't encounter the other; we encounter their issue, determine a solution for them, and we're done. I will take the current Rihanna/Chris Brown scenario as my case study.
What has happened with these two young people is sad. Incredibly sad. Violence anywhere is tragic and hard to understand. This being said, there is a propensity in the world to believe that we have the authority to speak into folk's lives and we don't even know them. The talk show didn't create this strong urge, but it surely aggravated and magnified it. With the talk show, you have a person on the stage. Actually, this is not true. You have an issue on the stage. Over the course of the hour, it is our desire, and some think our role and right, to fix that issue and send the person back home "cured", maybe even healed. One hour to engage a lifetime of who people are.
The bad part is that once the lights go down, we don't know (or care often) what happened to the person. More often than not, the person is back in the circumstances that created the issue, and doesn't have 100 people in a studio audience to encourage them, pick them apart, or judge them. It feels good for the audience and the talk show host to feel as if they have helped someone. If feels good to get in a good cry and to hope that the person can withstand abuse, poor financial planning, the inability to parent well--whatever--after an hour of forced community.
I contend that this is pure arrogance. Even as a minister, I do not believe that it is my role to speak into the lives of people unless I have been invited! Period. I can think what I want. I can even share my opinions with others. However, in my opinion :), it is arrogance to believe that my little conjecture should amount to a hill of beans to the person. I can tell them everything I think they should do, but ultimately I know that the person has to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. Jesus knew this. Every person Jesus healed died. Every person he encountered had the freedom to follow or not. I say this to say that it was not Jesus role to stay around and make sure that everyone was doing what he wanted and were continuing Kingdom-living. It was his role, and I believe is his role, to meet each person where they are in the middle of their circumstances and offer life or death. He will not use his influence to force anything on us.
Oprah is an expert in the minds of most. I know that I am treading on thin ice here because she has risen to the level of divinity in the minds of some. She is a good person. I heard her speak when I was at Spelman College. However, no matter how wonderful she is, I think she is misusing her privilege and influence in this case. Oprah made the statement that Rihanna (which she pronounced Ree-Hannah) should leave Chris because he was going to hit her again. What Oprah says is probably true, but my issue is with the media who has ultimately said, "If Oprah says it, then it must be true, and she better do what Oprah says." Oprah can only speak her truth. Until Rihanna is asked what she believes is best for her life, all of us need to be quiet. The truth doesn't come from the top down. It comes from the bottom up.
The other piece of my talk-show complex is that we don't have access to Oprah. The talk show does not allow for the circle to be completed. We don't know if Stedman is beating her on the regular. We don't know what her home life is like. We can only assume that she is speaking from the authority that she is not currently in an abusive relationship. The same goes for the studio audience. While they clap, I am positive that at least one of them experienced abuse and stayed in the relationship.
An authentic conversation would allow for there to be dialogue and honesty so that Rihanna will not appear as if she is the only one in history who ever stayed. When Jesus engaged people, they engaged him. The woman at the well felt comfortable enough to have a back and forth with Jesus, and the Syrophenician woman even changed his mind when she asked for her child to be healed. In my opinion, my advice as a minister is strengthen because I am willing to speak and listen, to be open to critique if I am willing to be critical.
It was suggested that Rihanna needs to leave Chris to be an example to little girls who will think that it is okay to stay with men who are abusive. You know, little girls are getting lots of images here. On Thursday, right after the segment that talks about domestic abuse, some naked woman who is a size 2 will be rubbind lotion on her arse. Why is there no energy in finding out is Chris Brown is in therapy or has made emotional and physical reparations for what he did, not to the world, but to Rihanna? Let's be honest here. People are making money on this story. Lots of money.
I wish that Chris had not hit her. I wish that every relationship was one of kindness and without violence. But the truth of the matter is that public opinion could cause Rihanna to leave Chris Brown. Then what? Whew, she did what we wanted; she did the right thing, we'd think. But the right thing is whatever she and Chris decide. She might be more miserable without him than she felt beaten.
Reality check--There are women getting their arses beat everyday!!! The one instance that I was beaten, I do not remember an urgent call coming from Harpo studios. I was left sitting in the pain of the incident, left to figure out for myself what was best for me--by myself. We all need to take a deep breath. We do not own Rihanna. She is not this thing that is devoid of decision-making. Staying or leaving is up to her. It is not my right, or anyone's right to decide what is best for her. If I tell her that as a celebrity, it is her duty to leave for the sake of the world who is watching, I will not be there to cry with her when she is sad, or keep her warm at night, or even advise her on a day to day basis. Chris will, or whoever she chooses. If Oprah is so concerned, she should set up a private meeting with Rihanna, learn how to say her name, and share her heart. Then it will be as Jesus said, a private "prayer" in a closet with Rihanna, instead of gaining ratings off the pain, failures, and humanness of others. I guarantee that if Oprah talks to Rihanna instead of about her in an hour-long talk show format, she will come away with a different truth.
