Some don't see the need for some things they learned in high school. I understand that. I won't ever need to use my physical education on archery. However, I am so grateful I can make connections based on things I didn't think I'd need, yet do.
When I saw the video of the young people, and particularly the young woman, who were violently engaged by McKinney, Texas officers, my mind retreated past trauma and sadness to an old lesson on classical conditioning. As I watched officer Eric Casebolt chasing children as if he was on a laser tag field, grabbing Dajerria Becton's hair and twisting her arm, and pushing her to the ground, I was reminded of my lesson from a science class. When I watched him kneeling his full weight upon her, like some sort of inanimate and useless prayer bench in a church basement, or more rightly, like a young, scared girl coerced into torture porn, I was reminded of Pavlov and his dogs.
Remember Pavlov? In his research, Pavlov named the phenomenon he discovered when he paired meat powder with the sound of a bell as stimuli. This combination made the dogs salivate. Over time, he found he could ring the bell without presenting the meat powder, and surprisingly, the dogs would salivate anyhow. And this, friends, is classical conditioning.
In the context of the McKinney event, the bell is Black skin, and this bell has been ringing for centuries for folk who believe it their duty to behave like aggressive dogs.
I am baffled by the responses to what happened. Some act as if policing and racism haven't gone hand-in-hand in this country, as if Back people have nothing better to do than make up sobs stories even while the videos prove our horror. Black people assembled is the equivalence of a mob, and the police assume the only way to react is with violence.
Many claim no knowledge of Jim Crow laws, or admit that the residue hasn't evolved into something just as dangerous and terrorizing for Black people. Many forget that racism was legislated, and forget that the police were legally complicit in many lynchings, in violently encroaching on nonviolent protestors, and in many activities deemed righteous to maintain the social hierarchy for those of the dominant culture. The conditioning has been thorough and consistent.
The sight of Black skin is enough to cause some police officers to forget professionalism, extensive training, and the fact that someone is recording them in plain sight. The sight of black skin turns some officers into aggressive, salivating dogs who will swear their fear is more important than the safety of Black children. Black skin gives them permission to pull a gun on young people trying to save the young woman under attack. Once the bell is rung, there is no need for respectful language, for listening when they tried to express themselves, for even attempting to appear as if . As the bell resonates, Black children don't deserve the benefit of the doubt, and the officers don't even have to pretend that they aren't targeting Black children. It is obvious and ugly and loud. Passers-by will even help the police to carry out their deeds, becoming instant deputies, and claim children saying, "Call my mama," is dangerous and aggressive.
Officer Casebolt heard the bell more than likely before he arrived, and acted accordingly. He seemed to be salivating on arrival, behaved like a hungry, conditioned dog who was only concerned with his primitive need to tackle his perceived duty. Of course, this is not to say he isn't fully responsible for his actions and shouldn't be held accountable. He absolutely had the choice to be helpful and disperse the crowd in a more effective way. However, I contend that with each chapter of this endless, tortuous book of police brutality toward Black people in this country-- for us who cannot rely on safety at a pool party, who are treated as if we can hide weapons of mass destruction in a bikini--we know for whom the bell tolls.
It tolls for us.
Monday, June 8, 2015
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
No Simple Simple Thing
The world keeps asking me to scream,
To yell out for love in plain and simple terms.
Yet, I keep whispering, and planting my love for you in elaborate poetry embedded in rose thickets.
I want you to experience the dynamic fragrance,
To savor my essence and let the chemistry begin.
When you taste love, it should have a depth of flavor you've never experienced,
Deliciously unrecognizable... yet so familiar.
I don't want to dance to the obvious beats,
To tell you which steps to follow.
No two-steps, please, unless that is what happens naturally.
I want you to hear all the different levels of the poly-rhythms of my beautiful heart.
And, I say this knowing you are used to top 40 hits.
It's easier to turn on the radio and listen to what someone else said is hot.
You are used to drive-through dining, and you order the number 5.
I dine in pitch-black restaurants and enjoy the surprise meal created by the chef just for me.
He knows what I like, and cooks the opposite to stretch my imagination.
Something tells me you are tired of the usual.
You know that you have been dancing around a flag pole while the stars are waiting for you.
Still-- I will sing for the one who understands the cryptic language of love,
Who will lightly hold my heart in his hand with gentle tenderness
While he sings a song of his own.
There is a difference between some gold given and the gold mined.
Dig a bit deeper, and I will show you a whole vein of treasure.
I promise.
Mine deeply for me, please.
Claim me.
Love is no simple thing,
Yet it is so simply accessed.
When I come to your door,
Meet me with a kiss and invite me home.
It's as simple as that.
To yell out for love in plain and simple terms.
Yet, I keep whispering, and planting my love for you in elaborate poetry embedded in rose thickets.
I want you to experience the dynamic fragrance,
To savor my essence and let the chemistry begin.
When you taste love, it should have a depth of flavor you've never experienced,
Deliciously unrecognizable... yet so familiar.
I don't want to dance to the obvious beats,
To tell you which steps to follow.
No two-steps, please, unless that is what happens naturally.
I want you to hear all the different levels of the poly-rhythms of my beautiful heart.
And, I say this knowing you are used to top 40 hits.
It's easier to turn on the radio and listen to what someone else said is hot.
You are used to drive-through dining, and you order the number 5.
I dine in pitch-black restaurants and enjoy the surprise meal created by the chef just for me.
He knows what I like, and cooks the opposite to stretch my imagination.
Something tells me you are tired of the usual.
You know that you have been dancing around a flag pole while the stars are waiting for you.
Still-- I will sing for the one who understands the cryptic language of love,
Who will lightly hold my heart in his hand with gentle tenderness
While he sings a song of his own.
There is a difference between some gold given and the gold mined.
Dig a bit deeper, and I will show you a whole vein of treasure.
I promise.
Mine deeply for me, please.
Claim me.
Love is no simple thing,
Yet it is so simply accessed.
When I come to your door,
Meet me with a kiss and invite me home.
It's as simple as that.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
You didn't call me...
Because humans have often lost the ability to detect
what is sacred, magical and special,
You have missed one simple fact --you didn't call me.
I was sent.
I was sent to laugh at your jokes,
To remind you that you are loved and very loveable.
I was sent to call your name with a voice that is not afraid,
To speak to you in quiet tones and whispers
that only my confidant can hear.
I was sent to give you a reason to miss that meeting,
To create sweet sanctuary in the middle of your life's war zone.
I was sent to dance with you late into the night,
and to feed you frosting with my pinky finger.
I was sent to rush you to the hospital, to have the extra key,
to massage you until your crushing migraine
is a welcome memory.
You didn't call me!!!
I simply hoped that you understood that every kiss was a gift
and not a mere biological response;
That every look was because
I hoped you were the center of my compass.
I was willing to follow you anywhere.
And my heart...
Oh, this wounded heart of mine beat madly for you.
You didn't call me, though you did reach out the first time.
But I had a conversation with God well before you did.
I got dressed and was ready for your phone call.
I didn't know where I was going.
I just knew that I was sent.
I was sent to and for you.
Some people wonder why miracles don't happen anymore.
They do.
Many people just don't recognize them and put them into the trash
with the other things they don't understand.
I am the one God made for you.
Sent.
Ready and able,
But, I have no choice but to move on because I know the quality
that is planted in me.
I must move on, slowly, because my heart is heavy,
but move on I shall.
You didn't call me.
I was sent.
I just hoped that you and God were in on the grand invitation...
what is sacred, magical and special,
You have missed one simple fact --you didn't call me.
I was sent.
I was sent to laugh at your jokes,
To remind you that you are loved and very loveable.
I was sent to call your name with a voice that is not afraid,
To speak to you in quiet tones and whispers
that only my confidant can hear.
I was sent to give you a reason to miss that meeting,
To create sweet sanctuary in the middle of your life's war zone.
I was sent to dance with you late into the night,
and to feed you frosting with my pinky finger.
I was sent to rush you to the hospital, to have the extra key,
to massage you until your crushing migraine
is a welcome memory.
You didn't call me!!!
I simply hoped that you understood that every kiss was a gift
and not a mere biological response;
That every look was because
I hoped you were the center of my compass.
I was willing to follow you anywhere.
And my heart...
Oh, this wounded heart of mine beat madly for you.
You didn't call me, though you did reach out the first time.
But I had a conversation with God well before you did.
I got dressed and was ready for your phone call.
I didn't know where I was going.
I just knew that I was sent.
I was sent to and for you.
Some people wonder why miracles don't happen anymore.
They do.
Many people just don't recognize them and put them into the trash
with the other things they don't understand.
I am the one God made for you.
Sent.
Ready and able,
But, I have no choice but to move on because I know the quality
that is planted in me.
I must move on, slowly, because my heart is heavy,
but move on I shall.
You didn't call me.
I was sent.
I just hoped that you and God were in on the grand invitation...
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Blessed...
Blessed are the spiritual refugees who long to be a part of a church, but find no room in the inn, for they shall see God. Blessed are they who will avoid church this morning, because their hearts have been broken by their unfaithful faith leader. Blessed are they who will flip through television stations to hear the good news because they have been dis-invited from the church with dirty looks or no word of welcome. Blessed are the pastors and faith leaders who lead with integrity, and speak the prophetic word of God, instead of the word that will maintain their employment. Blessed are the ones who will pray for forgiveness to God, and not experience it in their families or churches. Blessed are they that mourn from abuse, violence, oppression and mistreatment, and are told to "get over it". Blessed are the ones who never said a mumbling word, and are caught up in a swirl of malicious gossip. Blessed are those who are told to stay with abusive partners. Blessed are the beautiful ones who wear what they have to church, and are judged for it. Blessed are the souls who are told that who they are is a sin, often by those who, in action and deed, are their kin. Blessed are all those pushed out of the church by people, when God is continually welcoming everyone in, for theirs is the Kin-dom of God.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Two Are Better Than One
I am a capable, beautiful, talented woman. There are many things I like about myself, and I found them despite the fact that I have often had critical people around me who felt it was their employment to point out all of my failures and aspects to improve. So, it's a minor miracle that I can look in the mirror with any seriousness, and like what I see.
And I'm single.
Lately, though I have been swimming in the waters of confidence and gratitude, I have been feeling some kind of way about my singleness. First, I resist the labels of being "hungry" or desperate. I am not sure what happened in our society to make expressing our desires a negative thing. I want a relationship, and hopefully a long-term one that will lead to marriage. There is absolutely everything right about knowing what I want, and saying it without shrinking and lying that I don't want what I really do.
Why? Because--
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12)
It's not rocket science. Though I crave romance and the emotional bond, I am practical and realistic, too. I know of perfectly eligible men who are simply choosing to remain single because they are waiting...I pause, because the reports are varied.
Some tell me that they are waiting for the woman who will be the baddest woman in the room in which she walks. They want other men to see her, and to praise him because she is so fine. Others say that no woman wants a man with bad credit, bad histories, and so like the reluctance to go to church until one stops "sinning", they wait until their credit, financial prowess--whatever improves... yeah.
I have no patience for those who are available for partnership discussing how difficult it is to pay their bills and maintain, or that they are simply waiting until the Beyonce/Michelle Obama hybrid drops onto their lap. Did you ever consider that perhaps you are in the position you are in because you are resisting relationship, and waiting?
While you wait, two households are being maintained instead of one. While you wait, you are going it alone, and so am I. While you wait, you and I are calling locksmiths to get back into the house to which you or I would have a key. While you wait, I swallow tears at couples embracing and marrying, dancing and enjoying each other...both of our lips are without the moisture of a kiss.
While you wait, two households are being maintained instead of one. While you wait, you are going it alone, and so am I. While you wait, you and I are calling locksmiths to get back into the house to which you or I would have a key. While you wait, I swallow tears at couples embracing and marrying, dancing and enjoying each other...both of our lips are without the moisture of a kiss.
I try to throw out bitterness and resentment regularly, but your absence is so glaring!! It is not your fault, but our every action or inaction affects the other.
It is almost like I am a person in need of an ambulance. While bleeding and in need of transport to the hospital, I watch you drive by over and over again. However, you are simply driving your personal ambulance--with the lights on--on the way to the market to make yourself dinner. You think the siren is cool, and you like the power of folk getting out of your way as you drive.
Yep, I am saying that some choiceful singleness is selfishness. Yep, I am saying that relationship is emotional, spiritual and practical. Yep, I am saying that your unavailability directly affects so many of us, and then you have the audacity to talk about community-building and connection to others. How about you build your own community?
I think that freedom has been misused and misinterpreted as being able to do whatever you want with no accountability. Every freedom has connection and responsibility to the other. Being in partnership is about sharing your time, your energy, your resources, and your heart. Some folk never learned to share, and have such skewed egos that they may never find the person they believe is "worthy". Huh.
I have chosen to be fine with whatever circumstance comes my way. One day, I might find a relationship that is wonderful. I am gaining more strength and skills in being alone, new treasures to make it on my own. However, we all have trials and tribulations, and while you are waiting for the dime piece to walk into your highlights, you may find yourself alone when your lights are off. Remember that you chose this existence. But I can tell you there is nothing like knowing someone has your back for real.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Planting Seeds
As I watch the news concerning yesterday's tragic events at the Boston Marathon, I am, of course, very sad. Loss of any life in such a fashion simply leaves us feeling raped. Peace is stolen, and we are left wondering where and when the next strike will come.
My heart goes out to every person hurt, maimed, killed and affected by yesterday's act of terror--to include those in Iraq.
A story, written by someone we don't know, informs as to how we might respond. There is no way we as a country can experience true peace while simultaneous waging war.
Let us plant and desire the seeds of peace for everyone. Let us refuse to parse our tears, shedding 22 for American loss, and none for those dead across the world. I pray that there is no other event in this country of this kind again, and I pray the same for every other square inch in the world.
When we understand our connectedness, we will find the answer to how to experience true peace.
"There once was a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon.
One year, a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.
'How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?' the reporter asked.
'Why sir,' said the farmer, 'didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn.'
He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.
So it is with our lives. Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors to live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.
The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn." -Author Unknown
Proverbs 11:24-25
Some give freely, yet grow all the richer;
others withhold what is due, and only suffer want.
A generous person will be enriched,
and one who gives water will get water.
My heart goes out to every person hurt, maimed, killed and affected by yesterday's act of terror--to include those in Iraq.
A story, written by someone we don't know, informs as to how we might respond. There is no way we as a country can experience true peace while simultaneous waging war.
Let us plant and desire the seeds of peace for everyone. Let us refuse to parse our tears, shedding 22 for American loss, and none for those dead across the world. I pray that there is no other event in this country of this kind again, and I pray the same for every other square inch in the world.
When we understand our connectedness, we will find the answer to how to experience true peace.
"There once was a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon.
One year, a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.
'How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?' the reporter asked.
'Why sir,' said the farmer, 'didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn.'
He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.
So it is with our lives. Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors to live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.
The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn." -Author Unknown
Proverbs 11:24-25
Some give freely, yet grow all the richer;
others withhold what is due, and only suffer want.
A generous person will be enriched,
and one who gives water will get water.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
A Sacred Lamentation
1:1 I am the woman who has seen affliction in the silence of singleness.
2 I stand at windows waiting for dates that will never come,
and congratulate the good fortune of newly-engaged
friends through invisible tears.
3 Indeed, the old adage, "don't actively look, just wait on the Lord,"
rings in my ears again and again,
limply hanging in the air all day long.
4 Can we simply admit that there is no map to relationship,
no compass to follow,
just acts of grace or sheer luck?
5 Why must I be called bitter because I long for deep kisses
from lips that refuse to tell lies?
6 Shall I be the 17th wheel
at every party forever?
5 Why must I be called bitter because I long for deep kisses
from lips that refuse to tell lies?
6 Shall I be the 17th wheel
at every party forever?
7 I want so desperately to celebrate a 42nd wedding anniversary,
to have the extra set of keys to the car, to be the brightness
to have the extra set of keys to the car, to be the brightness
in one's heart.
8 For now, I process difficult days by myself,
8 For now, I process difficult days by myself,
figure out how bills will be paid alone.
I pray prayers for others' relationships
I pray prayers for others' relationships
because I am sure my own prayers are unheard.
9 Cold sheets--they mock me!
Big, dark, short-haired girls deserve what they get.
9 Cold sheets--they mock me!
Big, dark, short-haired girls deserve what they get.
10 This kind of loneliness becomes the status of saints,
like a lone, green leaf in the middle of the hot desert.
11 The power of kisses from long ago
have left me with only a faint memory.
12 I look at old poetry, with lines laden with broken-promises
and try to imagine if those words came
like a lone, green leaf in the middle of the hot desert.
11 The power of kisses from long ago
have left me with only a faint memory.
12 I look at old poetry, with lines laden with broken-promises
and try to imagine if those words came
from committed people.
13 I love love.
My heart is still of flesh.
14 Still, this fleshy heart can't watch romantic movies
My heart is still of flesh.
14 Still, this fleshy heart can't watch romantic movies
without weeping;
each scene mocks me in my solitude.
15 I cannot sleep.
Sweet drinks taste bland and useless.
each scene mocks me in my solitude.
15 I cannot sleep.
Sweet drinks taste bland and useless.
16 I know it is because I was created to feel deeply,
And now, I must imagine the faintest phantom touch, for sanity's sake.
17 I will remember the joy of laced fingers, and soft-spoken conversations,
And I will never forget that God is always creating possibilities.
18 Even still, my heart is downcast.
And now, I must imagine the faintest phantom touch, for sanity's sake.
17 I will remember the joy of laced fingers, and soft-spoken conversations,
And I will never forget that God is always creating possibilities.
18 Even still, my heart is downcast.
Out of billions of people, Creator, I only seek one.
19 I only seek one, and
and therefore, I have hope.
and therefore, I have hope.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
