1:1 I am the woman who has seen affliction in the silence of singleness.
2 I stand at windows waiting for dates that will never come,
and congratulate the good fortune of newly-engaged
friends through invisible tears.
3 Indeed, the old adage, "don't actively look, just wait on the Lord,"
rings in my ears again and again,
limply hanging in the air all day long.
4 Can we simply admit that there is no map to relationship,
no compass to follow,
just acts of grace or sheer luck?
5 Why must I be called bitter because I long for deep kisses
from lips that refuse to tell lies?
6 Shall I be the 17th wheel
at every party forever?
5 Why must I be called bitter because I long for deep kisses
from lips that refuse to tell lies?
6 Shall I be the 17th wheel
at every party forever?
7 I want so desperately to celebrate a 42nd wedding anniversary,
to have the extra set of keys to the car, to be the brightness
to have the extra set of keys to the car, to be the brightness
in one's heart.
8 For now, I process difficult days by myself,
8 For now, I process difficult days by myself,
figure out how bills will be paid alone.
I pray prayers for others' relationships
I pray prayers for others' relationships
because I am sure my own prayers are unheard.
9 Cold sheets--they mock me!
Big, dark, short-haired girls deserve what they get.
9 Cold sheets--they mock me!
Big, dark, short-haired girls deserve what they get.
10 This kind of loneliness becomes the status of saints,
like a lone, green leaf in the middle of the hot desert.
11 The power of kisses from long ago
have left me with only a faint memory.
12 I look at old poetry, with lines laden with broken-promises
and try to imagine if those words came
like a lone, green leaf in the middle of the hot desert.
11 The power of kisses from long ago
have left me with only a faint memory.
12 I look at old poetry, with lines laden with broken-promises
and try to imagine if those words came
from committed people.
13 I love love.
My heart is still of flesh.
14 Still, this fleshy heart can't watch romantic movies
My heart is still of flesh.
14 Still, this fleshy heart can't watch romantic movies
without weeping;
each scene mocks me in my solitude.
15 I cannot sleep.
Sweet drinks taste bland and useless.
each scene mocks me in my solitude.
15 I cannot sleep.
Sweet drinks taste bland and useless.
16 I know it is because I was created to feel deeply,
And now, I must imagine the faintest phantom touch, for sanity's sake.
17 I will remember the joy of laced fingers, and soft-spoken conversations,
And I will never forget that God is always creating possibilities.
18 Even still, my heart is downcast.
And now, I must imagine the faintest phantom touch, for sanity's sake.
17 I will remember the joy of laced fingers, and soft-spoken conversations,
And I will never forget that God is always creating possibilities.
18 Even still, my heart is downcast.
Out of billions of people, Creator, I only seek one.
19 I only seek one, and
and therefore, I have hope.
and therefore, I have hope.
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